Selfish Bastards
by Alkyonides Meres
Summary: "But I am a joke. I know I exist but actually living escapes me every day". Sakura and team 7 centric. Post war. Character death. Team 7 centric.


**A/N. Inspired by a moment between Kaoru and Megumi from Rurouni Kenshin (which I don't own). If you are familiar with the manga, you will understand.**

**If not, you should be. It's wonderful.**

**Warnings. Post- War. Characters Death. Underage Drinking (Do not do this) Implied yuri but nothing graphic. Rated M because of my paranoia.**

**Disclaimer. I don't own Naruto.**

**Enjoy!**

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

The harsh raindrops found their home in freckled, pale cheeks, found company in the gentle drops born in her eyes. Pink locks, once her source of pride were now only a ruin of their past, glossy glory. Matted on a forehead far too large against her face, but not large enough to contain every petty thought that would go through her tired mind.

_Gone. All gone. _

Back against the cool marble stone of the memorial stone, were only one set of the two names that should be there. Head tilted back, staring with unseeing, dull, green eyes a pouring sky that bled lighting and death.

_All gone. _

Chapped lips half forming whispers. And on her hand that was propped against her knee a bottle of sake - the strongest she could find. On the other one, falling lifelessly next to her a picture the yound medic could not bear to look at.

Not ever since..

_Happy Anniversary you two._ A whisper, a hint of a sob.

_I know, right..? Two years. Two whole years ever since you left and the world is at peace again. Time flies huh..? Two years..._

A gulp, a mouthfull of sake that was far too strong - yet not enough.

_Two long years._

_Why..? _A faint whisper lost in the howling winds.

_Why do you two always leave me behind._

_ You selfish bastards..._

_I can never catch up to you can I? _A forced, bitter laugh, head still staring up at the unforgiving sky.

_I'm dying you know. I should know. I am -or used to be- a top medic. The broken heart syndrome. How ironic. _

_How... undignified._

_Not the way you two died. Your hands piercing one another in places no one could ever hope to heal. Bathed in a glorious light and only your stubborness keeping you alive._

_And I, torn between the two of you, leaning in, trying so hard to keep you here. _

_Failing so horribly. _

_Don't cry, you both said to me that day. Don't mourn us we die free, you whispered in your dying moments._

_I remember Sasuke-kun, your black eyes fading away fast and your whispered I'm sorry, your rushed, gurgling explanations._

_I had to, you told me that day._

_I remember you had said, your green eyes. I wish, you had said, to have never felt the aching need to leave._

_I wish, you had whispered to me to be able to keep this moment here for eternity. All bathed in the sun and feeling so free with us._

_I wish I could just forget you had said._

_I hope you will do better than me Sakura._

_ And then you had withered away._

Sobs took over her small form, her bottle of oblivion fallen behind.

_I am so sorry Sakura-chan, your blue lips whispered. I cradled you closer, Naruto and kept trying and trying to not let go of you too. _

_I always felt a whiff of loneliness, you had whispered in your last moments. Yet with you I was always happy. But without him I was so alone._

_So alone._

_You had looked at me with such regret that if anything had been left from my heart it must have shuttered then._

_Don't you dare come with us Sakura-chan, you had said, pale lips crimson with your blood._

_Promise me._

_I did. I was never one to refuse you anyway when you honestly wanted something._

_Your azure eyes had found peace and in their soft depth I saw millions of feelings I cannot hope to comprehend in this lifetime._

_In any, really._

_I am so sorry Sakura-chan, you had sighed. I wish.. I wish we..._

_I wish._

_I never learned what it was you had wished. Your blue blue eyes had glazed and just like that you were stolen away, never to return._

_You asked me that night to keep on living Naruto. To try and make it right. And I have tried to honor that wish, you selfish bastard._

_ I have._

_But I am a joke. I know I exist but actually living escapes me every day._

_You always chose him you know. And he always chose you. And I was the odd one out, left behind, waiting for you to include me, to make me part of you and not some sort of trophy to make you further antagonise each other._

_I just wanted to be next to you you know. Not to be a bother, not to be a damsel._

_But an equal._

_My road for redemption had been you two. The ones who, in the end, howeve unwillingly, destroyed me._

_Two years they all say. You've mourned enough they all say. _

_Move on._

A harsh chuckle. A sudden pain in her chest. A sharp, agonised intake of breath.

A big mouthfull of sake.

_But I can't. Not when every time I look inside I see a big, black void._

_Every night I see you in my dreams and I am alive. And every day when I awake.. I die._

_I am dying. Finally. And no one cares. Not as much as you would._

_Will you mourn my passing? Will you rejoice our reunion?_

_Will you care?_

_I wonder every night when I dream of you. _

_You keep haunting me. Every where I turn, everywhere I go there is always your shadow lingering in the corners of my eyes. Behind my closed lids._

_So unfair. And still, I wonder every single day.._

_Why..? Why did no one of you ever choose me..?_

_Try and make it back alive for me?_

_Was I alone not enough?_

_Would existing without each other be so unbearable, that my presence couldn't make it even a bit ok..?_

_Why did you two never consider me when you chose to die?_

_WhywhywhyWHYWHY!_

Rough hands tugging furiously at her wet hair. A blood curling scream leaving her.

_I am chocking from my tears, I can't breathe without hurting._

_I am not complete without you._

_It will get easier they say._

_It will pass, until they will become a memory and you will find the strength in you to move on._

_It wiil become bearable._

_Easier._

_It never gets easier._

_You had said I would make it._

_You LIARS._

_You always leave me behind, you always see each other._

_What was I to you, to the two boys that were the world of me?_

_Does it matter any more?_

_Does..._

A sigh of resignement. Empty green eyes gazing at the picture fallen next to her.

_I just wish I could see you once more..._

_I'm so scared Naruto, Sasuke._

_I'm starting to forget things. _

_The tone of Naruto's voice, the way Sasuke glared. _

_I am starting to forget Naruto's exact shade of azure blue eyes and Sasuke-kun's musky scent. Your snide comments, your quiet laughs, that special twinkle you got when you were lightly teasing each other._

_I fell like I am loosing you all over again. Every day I forget something new and I.._

_I am so scared, please please don't leave me again, please... _

The sound of choked sobs filled the air again.

_I don't want to forget you and I don't want to remember anymore, but you are all I have left, this stone here with Naruto's name engraved and Sasuke's scratched by my bloody hands. _

_I don't know what to do anymore._

_I gave myself completely to you, searching for peace inside the three of us. _

_What am I without you..?_

_What defines me..?_

_Who is Haruno Sakura without Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke?_

_Who is she but a broken shell of herself?_

_We were supposed to be forever._

_We were meant to be forever._

_Instead only you two made it to forever. Together._

_Always you two together._

A bitter smile.

_I remember your smiles when you died. By each other's hand._

_The feeling of absolute happiness and contentment in your expressions._

_Only I was agonized over my loss._

_This land here is barren and there's only me gazing at the remnants of our dreams. Forever left behind and binded here until death comes._

_By my stupid promise to the two of you._

_I wish that the distance between us were but a breakable glass and time could be lied to. _

_I wish we could all have a chance again. _

_I wish that I never felt this way. _

_But you know..._

_The one who is left behind has it worse than those who leave. Because everywhere that person looks there is a memory of those who left._

_Take it from me. I should know._

_I barely leave the house these days. Only coming here and to the hospital. _

_And the bars. But I don't remember much of those anyway._

_You two left me alone in this hell._

_And it kills me. _

_You selfish bastards._

_And I am so tired. So damn tired. Haunted by your shadows. Let me go. _

_Pleasepleaseplease_

_Let me go._

Pale eyes gazed at the hunched girl sobbing her heart out. A similar-but-not-quite grief passed over those Hyuuga eyes cursed to see all, while a dainty hand extended an umbrella to shelter the shaking girl. Soft eyes stared tenderly down at this shell of a woman.

I owe you this last favor, Naruto-kun is all she thinks.

_Heads up Sakura - san. For them. They can't bear to see you like this. Please._

Her voice is gentle, consoling, pleading. But worse. Understanding.

Haunted green eyes shot at the pale Hyuuga standing in front of her.

_What would you know Hinata..? You only lost a mirage of the man you adored. It's not near enought to understand this kind of pain. _

Hard ice had showed into those dead green eyes but her tone was not cruel, just honest.

_You don't understand the pain of having to say goodbye to them, while the light in their eyes deem. _

_So don't._

Lightning breaks out muffling all sound. And then everything stops. As if the world has come to a stop and there is only the two of them and the shadows between them. Silence, until the dark haired girl breaks it.

_You are right Sakura-san_ her firm, still gentle voice sounds. The once kind eyes were now guarded by the famed Hyuuga glacier while her lips has this edge of arrogance so achingly alike of the last Uchiha.

Then her eyes shatter and though them rises a complaint far worse than Sakura could have imagined.

_But consider us even. Because you don't know how it feels to not even have that last goodbye. _

_At least he left you something to remember him by._

_I... I had nothing these two years._

Silence.

Harsh breathing and fallen souls.

And suddenly a pair of hands latching onto the dark haired lady's neck. Feverish lips seeking soft ones in a cold kiss full of dispair and grief and an aching of release.

An understanding. A bond. A will to survive in those memories alone.

A fleeting warmth.

A passing ecstasy in the form of two interwined bodies against a dirtied road.

There is nothing pure in this, but need.

But need right now is enough for them both.

And then it's gone. Sakura is back against the cold marble and Hinata in the relatively safety of her umbrella. A soft caress from a dainty hand to a pale, rain kissed cheek.

Not a promise.

Not hope.

But something closea anyway.

And as the Lady of the Hyuuga departs towards her home, her cursed eyes still see the image that forever haunts her and that by oath she can never reveal.

Two tranparent boys, next to their broken girl.

A dark haired one crounched next to her, his forehead leaning against the side of her head while almost invinsible tears run down his cheek. Mouth whispering unheard of apologies.

And - here her heart breaks- a blond one huddled at the other side of her as close as he can get, his face trying to be buried inside the warmth of her neck.

Yet they are cursed unable to touch her, embrace her, talk to her. Only be near her and see her.

Ah yes.

_This is your heaven, your gift, for saving the world. Being near your girl, seeing her every day and knowing how she is._

_But it is also your hell, your punishment, for sacrificing her soul. _

_For that is all you can do after all - just see her._

_But for Sakura..._

_Sakura can neither see or hear you.._

_You've left her only hell._

A sigh. A prayer.

_Let go of her. Please._

_You Selfish Bastards._


End file.
